Halloween Horror: 2017 Edition

Halloween is truly the best holiday ever! The true start of cooler weather (in SoCal, at least), scary movies all month long, twerps dressed up like their favorite heroes and villains, and let’s not forget the candy. Ahh the glorious chocolate!! But this year, a true horror is lurking in front of me. Yesterday, I had testing done to check for metastasis (mets) to my bones, specially my hip. The pain has been there for months, I just attributed it to a lingering complication from intrathecal treatment, and it very well could be! One treatment resulted in a “wet tap” (the spinal fluid leaked out of the infusion site). I don’t get the results until Friday.

I don’t even know how to truly react other than to lay here in the dark, staring into nothing and cry. I’m numb with the exception of a cold, sweaty panic running over me every so often.

On top of this issue, I have had a “barking seal” type of raspy, wheezing cough for about the same amount of time…2 months or so. They are bad enough that I require an inhaler and an anesthetic cough drop. I see my doctor on a regular basis, but I never had the bad coughing episode that, as one of my friends asked, “Is that real or are you fucking with me?” I don’t have them everyday so it’s easy to put on the back burner.

Let’s add to the fun. I’ve had an IV in for 34 days for hydration and ondansetron infusions for 20 hours a day. Thank goodness the insurance allows me to be at home. Let me tell you, pushing around an IV pole or carrying around a pump and 2 liter bag of fluids is not as glamorous as it seems.

Bonus issue…I have intrathecal treatment on Friday, then my friends funeral is less than 3 hours later.

Suck it, cancer.

*the images are not my own.

Magenta Dye Is Thicker Than Chemo

Earlier today was bad. Stupid bad. I felt like it was already over. All I wanted to do was let the bed swallow me and just be.

But that’s not me. Since I have never been one to give up or quit anything, I’m trying very hard to pick myself up. So, I have dye on my hair.

My daughter came in and asked me how I was going to wash my hair out when I just got out of the hospital this morning? With one hand, of course.

I made this hurdle my bitch. Fuck you, cancer. I win!